Family Photography When Only Part of the Family Wants In

Helpful Tips for Photographers and Parents on Making Magic From Chaos

I've talked about a few potential pitfalls of family photography, right? I told a lengthy and funny story about watching a family get ready for their shoot. When your client is related to you and you're in town staying at their house, you get to watch the insanity of a young family getting pulled together for their shoot. It's painful and you can relive all those hilarious details here. In that particular scenario, the chaos reared its ugly head early on, but by the time we got to the field everyone had cooled down and the shoot flowed well.

I also talked about what parents should do when kids decide they're unhappy and unable to pull themselves together for a shoot. Read about a little girl who cried her way through a session here. She started off happy but after being knocked to the ground by brother, she couldn't find a way out of her sadness and cried the entire time- but at least she wanted to be held and snuggled by her mom. After all, snuggles (even those through tears) always make for emotive images.

What happens, however, when a kid shows up to a shoot and decides they're not going to be unhappy, they're just going to be completely uninvolved? I mean uninvolved to the point where they don't even want to be anywhere near us. They have their own plan and it doesn't involve mom or dad, you or your camera! Figure that one out!

Some family photography hacks I've mentioned in the past are, one, my marshmallow trick, which generally proves to be about 99% effective. I also always recommend that mom and dad bribe with anything money can buy prior to the start of a session- offer up whatever you think will work! Throughout a session I'll use little prompts and play little games, all in the hopes of creating a cooperative kid, but sometimes none of that works- none of it! What do you do then?

This sweet boy was mildly persuaded by marshmallows. They got him to give me about three seconds of his time. Mom and dad came in with a bribe....he did not care. What he wanted was to run around, explore his new surroundings and create his own good time- none of that involved picture taking. Can you blame him?? Not really.

I knew mom was disappointed (she's a fellow local photographer and had specifically asked for snuggly mother/son photos) and dad wasn't all too sure what he should be doing. Luckily, they never got angry, which is precisely what I've already preached about. No matter the boiling point you might be reaching, find a way to snuggle your way through it. The problem is, you can't snuggle a kid who's out the door and a block and a half away! Can't do it!

It was up to me to save this session, no doubt. So I'm here to walk you through the steps I took to create moments of phony cooperation. I share the methods I used to fake my way into a gallery of sweet, happy, cooperative images- be it real or not. Mom and dad, your only job (besides keeping your cool) is to fake it til you make it. We're going to create this total illusion of cooperation so play along with me!

When we started our session at West Milford Farms the sun was still unfavorably high, so we started off in their incredible green house. Problem was, the star of our show favored the idea of being outside. Once I realized my marshmallow bride was falling on deaf ear, I knew I needed to do whatever HE wanted to do if I stood any chance of getting him in the frame. So, by golly, that's just what I did. Bright outside or not, we were going there.

The first game I asked him to play was to run around his parents in circles. Usually that's a pretty easy one, but he'd agree to one lap around and then back to his own course way off yonder. The solution here was to tell him to slap his parents' butts each time he ran around them- success! He was happy to make multiple trips if it meant more slapping, lol!

Next, we went for a ride on dad's shoulders. Luckily the greenhouse was filtering much of that sunlight, which gave us a nice, shady path to walk in. He enjoyed his ride up high, I yelled a whole lot of "giddy up, daddy" and we got some winners!

After our stint outside, I was still hell bent on getting back in that greenhouse, so I offered up a new game. We played the upside down kissing game. Mom sat and dad leaned kiddo backwards and upside down so mom could kiss all over his face. He liked this one, y'all. In fact, so much so that he insisted on doing it long after I was done. Think I was worried about that, oh heck no! I let the game continue as long as it made his little heart happy!

Once he was done letting the blood rush to his head, I thwarted his attempts to escape by asking him to pick up pebbles from outside and put them into dad's pocket. This is where parents earn their chance for an Academy Award nomination! I know he's just putting rocks in your pocket but it is imperative that you act like he's giving you the biggest hug he's ever offered! Love on him while he fills those pockets, or turn and love on mom. Do not, under any circumstances, look annoyed or perplexed. We're acting and we will fake it til we make it!

Next, I told him to fly like Superman into his mom's arms. This wasn't such a hard sale, so we did it a few times. After that, I knew keeping him in that greenhouse a second longer was gonna be impossible so we hit the open road. We made a stop at the pews (never in my plan) but it satiated his curiosity for a short while and made him feel like the boss (which of course he totally was).

Once in the open field and I knew the odds of him staying near were extremely low. I no longer had doors and walls to trap him in. Plus, we're approaching the end of a session when any kid, cooperative or not, is fading. Sure enough, he escapes for a while. Eventually he's out of our sightline, which means someone needs to go get him and it doesn't need to be mom who's carrying twin babies! I volunteer to get him. I offer up a piggyback ride, he declines. I say we've found a giant snake who's eating a rat, he's unimpressed. Frankly, I forget what other lies I told the poor boy- I was just plain desperate. Just as I was about to wave the white flag and begrudgingly go get a very pregnant mom, I said "train's leaving the station, all aboard, Choo Choo!" and, like a shot, he was off and we were racing each other. This 47 year old broad raced that little man all the way back to mom and dad, huffing and puffing. I thought I had to let him win, but pretty sure he did that on his own.

Back there I gave it all I had to get some last family images and here's what I did. First, flowers- smell them, put them behind mom's ear, put them in your pocket. That lasted a few minutes. Next, back to marshmallows but this time not to eat. Noah, put these marshmallows in dad's ear! Ha, he thought that was so funny. Noah, now put them in mom's ear...just as funny. Look closely and you'll see the marshmallows in their ears...I do not even care cause they are cute pictures! Lastly, we jammed with the Tamborine, then drop the mic & peace out, Noah was done...and so were we! Had there been a bar, I would have ordered a beer, drunk one for myself and one for pregnant momma as well!

Man, that was tough, but would I have had it any other way? Heck no! I let little guy be 100% who little guy wanted to be and because of it, we made beautiful images. That's what it's all about!

If any fellow photographer finds themselves in this situation, I hope you can draw on this experience and find a way to make beauty out of chaos- it's possible, I promise! Moms and dads, you find yourselves this situation- stay calm, fake it til you make it and trust that somehow your magician of a photographer will make magic! Just bring the love!